Plastic Island, Texan Size, Floating in Pacific Ocean

If your seafood tastes funny, it might not be because you burned it. Small pieces of plastic trash, leeched from beach litter and ships, are being consumed by fish in the pacific ocean. That hasn't stopped people from catching fish out in the pacific, so the plastic inevitably ends up in the human food chain.

Learn more about how your plastic shopping bags end up on your dinner plate here.

Read this and Feel Smart

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to
your brilliant friends.

I just did !!

Kids Say the Darnest Things

This is what some children had to say about the ocean...

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls.

(Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.

(Wayne, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.

(Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.

(Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and
comes back with crabs.

(Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
(William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
(Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad
keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.

(Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.

(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.
(Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.

(Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.

(James, age 7)

Gender Differences at the ATM

You don't have to go to Mars or Venus to discover the differences between men and women. All you have to do is drive to the nearest ATM. It might make you stare at the person in front of you a bit awkwardly. If you get caught, just direct them to the link!

Pearls of Wisdom

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered - not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

* Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt on Amazon

One of the funniest user's submitted items I've seen in a long time was the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt on Amazon. The comments are hilarious.

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

This is a great example of internet meme. Read the comments below the t-shirt, then check out the user photos uploaded. I swear, I totally want this t-shirt now. If I order one, I'll post a picture of me wearing it.

If you order one, send me an email at sunfyre@sunfyre.com, and I'll post your photo here too.

Perks of Getting Older

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. No matter who walks into the room
10. You sing along with elevator music.
11. Your eyes won't get much worse.
12 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
13. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
14. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
15. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Dog Stops Traffic To Protect Injured Mom on NYC Highway

NYC rush hour traffic got even worse than usual when a a 9-year-old female yellow lab chow mix ran onto the Major Deegan Expressway and was hit by a car. Luckily the dog's son protected her from on coming traffic and even police that were trying to help! Check out the video below to see just how protective the son was of the injured mother! The situation lasted about an hour and surely fueled some fire for road raged stricken NYC drivers! The injured dog is being treated for a broken leg and is expected to recover.

Video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1GVzlxk10k

Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway in Nevada when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.

By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy... You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.''

Uh-oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gwoss !''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing thesubject.. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation....

''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now.. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door.

''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)

Need a Pill??

Forgive Your Enemies

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

About 80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

'I outlived the bitches.'

Be Good to Your Mother (Earth): Celebrate Earth Day

In some ways, the earth is like a well-meaning mom, providing healthy and important stuff like air, water, and living things. And in return—well, we are often not as grateful as we could be. But Earth Day is our chance to show our appreciation for the planet. http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92492

Got A Pine Tree Growing In Your Lung?
It's More Likely Than You Think

28-year-old, Artyom Sidorkin, of central Russia, had a 2 inch (5 cm) fir tree growing inside his lung. Apparently the hapless Sidorkin had breathed in a seed or small bud. He sought medical help for severe pain and because he was coughing up blood. Initially doctors suspected cancer but their suspicions changed when the biopsy contained "green needles."

15 Crazy Lawsuits that Make You Want to Sue Someone

n this increasingly litigious society, it takes an astounding mix of talent and gall to make headlines with a lawsuit, but here are 15 examples of frivolous lawsuits that will make you mad enough to sue.

1. Man Sues Family of Boy He Ran Over
January 2008: Spanish businessman Tomas Delgado sued the family of the 17-year-old boy he'd hit and killed for the damage that the boy's body did to his Audi. Delgado was speeding at the time, but since the boy was cycling alone at night without reflectors or a helmet, the driver wasn't charged with anything other than being a complete jerk. Under public pressure, he later dropped his lawsuit.

2. Sleeping Student Sues Teacher for Waking Him Up
March 2008: In Danbury, Connecticut, 15-year-old Vinicios Robacher sued his teacher for slamming her palm on his desk to wake him up during class -- an action that he claimed caused him ear damage.

3. Man Sues Michael Jordan for Looking Like Him
July 2006: Portland, Oregon resident Allen Heckard sued former basketball star Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million, claiming that they have made Jordan such a recognizable figure that he has suffered personal harm from being repeatedly mistaken for the basketball player. Within a month, Heckard had dropped the suit.

4. Mayor of Batman, Turkey Sues Batman
November 2008: The mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman sued Warner Brothers and The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan for using the name without permission. Either it took the town's residents 70 years to realize the superhero's existence or they just wanted to cash in on The Dark Knight's billion-dollar box office take. You be the judge.

5. Man Sues Homeless for $1 Million
January 2007: Karl Kemp, owner of a ritzy antiques store on Manhattan's Madison Avenue, sued four homeless people who congregate in front of his shop because they scare off potential customers. The amount of the suit: $1 million, payable apparently in shopping carts full of aluminum cans.

6. Inmate Sues Himself
April 1995: Chesapeake, Virginia prison inmate Robert Lee Brock was upset at himself for getting arrested for breaking and entering and grand larceny, so he decided to make himself pay -- by suing himself for $5 million. Stating that he violated his own religious beliefs by committing the crime, he sought payment for a civil rights offense. Of course, since he didn't have $5 million to pay himself, he asked that the state pay on his behalf. His suit was thrown out.

7. Magicians Sued for Stealing God's Powers
June 2005: Reality-challenged Minnesota resident Christopher Roller sued magicians David Copperfield and David Blaine for using Roller's "godly powers" without his permission to perform their acts. Roller, by the way, claimed to be a god. He also claimed that the movie The Truman Show was based on his life and that he was married to both Katie Couric and Celine Dion, with whom he planned to father 1 million babies.

8. Shooter's Mom Seeks Workman's Comp
October 2003: After Jonathon Russell went on a shooting spree at the manufacturing plant where he worked, leaving three dead and five injured, his mother filed for workman's compensation benefits on his behalf, citing his "death by gunfire while on company clock." She was denied.

9. Man Sues Wife for Donated Kidney
January 2009: After Long Island doctor Richard Batista was slapped with divorce papers from his cheating wife, he decided he'd had enough and sued her for the return of a gift he'd give her eight years prior: a kidney. If that wasn't feasible, he'd "settle" for $1.5 million. You're welcome.

10. Insurance Company Sues 81-Year-Old Woman for Icy Driveway
February 2007: A "meals on wheels" program was delivering food to 81-year-old Anne Keipper in Brookfield, Wisconsin when the delivery woman -- who wasn't wearing boots -- slipped on a patch of ice in the driveway and fell. Three years later, Keipper was notified that she was being sued by Sentry Insurance for the medical expenses it paid related to the delivery woman's fall. The moral: senior citizens too frail to leave their house to get food should diligently shovel ice off their driveway.

11. Girls Sued for Baking Cookies
July 2005: Two well-meaning teenage girls in Durango, Colorado decided one summer night to bake cookies for their neighbors. They packaged the baked treats in plastic wrap with a heart-shaped message wishing the recipients a good night. When they knocked at the door of Wanita Renea Young, however, the woman became so terrified that someone was outside her house at 10:30 PM that she suffered an anxiety attack and successfully sued the girls for $930 to cover a trip to the emergency room. Her request for money to cover pain and suffering was denied.

12. Student Sues to Get A+
March 2003: High school senior Brian Delekta was so distraught that he got an A in one of his courses that he sued the school system. He felt he deserved an A+. Delekta, who had the highest GPA in his class at the time, felt that a "mere" A would hurt his chances of becoming the valedictorian. The course in question, incidentally, was a work-study program at a law firm. His supervisor in the position lobbied for him to get an A+, but maybe that's because she's his mother.

13. Musician Sued for Copying Silence
September 2002: Music publishers for the late avant-garde composer John Cage sued musician Mike Batt for plagiarism after he included a silent song on his album. That's right: silence. No music or vocals whatsoever. The publishers claimed that Batt's song, entitled "A Minute's Silence," ripped off Cage's "4'33", which also contained no music or vocals. Despite the seeming insanity of copyrighting silence, Batt agreed to settle out of court by paying a six-figure amount.

14. Man Sues to Inherit the Money of the Mother He Killed
January 2008: In 1999, schizophrenic Joshua Hoge stabbed his mother and half-brother to death but was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Nine years later, as he sat in a mental hospital, he sued to inherit his mother's estate, which included a $800,000 payment received from the state when a court ruled that a public-health clinic that failed to give Hoge his medication was partly responsible for the murders.

15. Mr. Frivolous Lawsuit
January 2006 - present: South Carolina inmate Jonathan Lee Riches has become a celebrity of sorts by filing more than 1,000 frivolous lawsuits while in jail. Some highlights:

• August 2007: Sued baseball player Barry Bonds for $42 million for, amongst other things, selling steroids to nuns, giving mustard gas to Saddam Hussien and bench-pressing Riches "to show off in front of his ball park buddies." Hank Aaron's bat, which Riches claimed Bonds used to crack the Liberty Bell, was also named as a defendant in the suit.
• September 2007: Sued Elvis Presley for stealing his sideburns, selling him tainted poultry and being in cahoots with Osama Bin Laden. Riches also claims that rap producer Suge Knight hung him from a Econo Lodge balcony with Vanilla Ice and that Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch harbors Hitler's army.
  
• September 2007: Claiming that he is a model and actor who's starred in movies like The Karate Kid, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and the Paris Hilton sex tape, Riches sued rapper 50 Cent for $35 billion, charging that the musician stole his lyrics and forced him to harass '80s groups Bananarama and Tears for Fears.
• And the piece de resistance: in March 2006, Riches sued 57 pages' worth of defendants -- including President George W. Bush, Pope Benedict XVI, Bill Gates, Queen Elizabeth, the Gambino crime family, Three Mile Island, Burt Reynolds, Google, the Salvation Army, the Wu-Tang Clan, the Magna Carta, "tsunami victims," the Kremlin, Nostradamus, the Lincoln Memorial, Nordic gods, Pizza Hut, the European Union, the Methodist Church, Viagra, "ninja samurai fighters" and the planet Pluto -- for an unspecified dollar amount for an unspecified civil rights offense.
  

In March 2008, the Northern District of Georgia made it difficult for Riches to file such frivolous lawsuits by requiring him to agree to be prosecuted for false statements before he submits, but that hasn't stopped him from filing wacky suits in other districts across the country.

http://www.paralegaltraining.net/blog/15-crazy-lawsuits